The Puzzle Is Real
Join Melissa and Matt Pisani as they discuss "Family, Relationships and Faith" through their own OUTRAGEOUS story! They met on a "Blind Date", were "Engaged" in 4 weeks and "Married" in 6 MONTHS!! This podcast encourages us all to take steps forward in decision making and to live a purposeful life every day! When You Know, YOU KNOW! @puzzleisreal @missjean21 @mateopisani
The Puzzle Is Real
Make Sobriety Great Again
Consuming alcohol is a slippery slope. "Social Drinking" can lead to self medicating and ultimately self destruction. Join Matt and Melissa as they discuss their convictions with alcohol consumption.
www.mattandmelissapisani.com
@puzzleisreal
Welcome to the Puzzle is Real podcast where we will be discussing faith, family , and Relationships hosted by Matt and Melissa Paani . This is the real podcast When you know, you know
Speaker 2:Yo Yoyo , we Are Back.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the puzzle is real, y'all. Yeah, we're in the south now, so I feel like I can say y'all. Is it too soon?
Speaker 2:No, but if I say it, it just sounds like I'm in the Witness Protection
Speaker 1:Program .
Speaker 2:You're like, y'all <laugh> . Hey y'all , how you doing? How you been? They're like, whoa. What's this guy doing here with his hair slicked back and white t on ? Oh man. Um, we're having a lot of fun in Charleston, in the Holy City. Love
Speaker 1:It. Y'all come visit . It's the
Speaker 2:Best . Can't wait for everyone to visit. Holler at your boy, holler at your girl. So we've got a fun topic tonight, today, this morning. Whenever you're , listen , deep listening's , sober living, what does it look like? How does it impact your family and friends and strangers? And, and how can it bless those around you if you take that leap of faith to say, Hey, I wanna start fresh with a clean slate.
Speaker 1:Right? I think, you know, as you grow and mature, if I would've talked to my 20 something year old self, you know, it's like you do things because of your influences or because of loneliness or anxiety. So I, I really wanna dive deep into the root of why we do what we do. You know, whether it's socially or whether it's an addiction or a problem. So today we're talking about sobriety and what that looks like for Matt and I. You know, we both have different stories and just for those of you who don't know my backstory, Matt's backstory, we're gonna kind of just briefly go over that and then talk about, you know, how we live our life today and why.
Speaker 2:Yeah. For me, you know , at age eight I was at a wedding in Maryland for a family member and , um, I noticed everyone was drinking champagne. Everyone was dancing. So I just kind of went around the table while everyone wasn't there and sipped their champagne. And I got drunk for the first time. And , um, that was my first experience. And I remember my mom, you know ,
Speaker 1:That's crazy. Yeah . Eight years old
Speaker 2:Coming up to me, what did you just do? And I was like, I tried the drinks and , um, man, I was not feeling good the next day. So, media content, you know, back in the eighties leading up to today, drinking is always celebrated as the norm. You know, whether it was a Spud Mackenzie dog and a Bud Light commercial, or movies that showed young people, adolescents getting drunk and then having lots of fun. And , and , and humor's always tied into it too. So it , it looks enticing. It looks like it's something that you should do and that makes you feel good. But what does it lead to? And that's usually not a good outcome. Well
Speaker 1:Feel good I think for the moment. I think when you and those of you who know, when you drink too much, you don't, don't feel good, right ? You feel miserable, you feel terrible, you feel like regret, shame, condemnation, all these things. You feel dirty. Um, you can't function the next day. So you make bad choices. Yeah. You make bad choices. Yeah . 'cause your mind is not pure, it's not in the right mindset. Um, so that's, you know, that's when Matt started. I think I started drinking , um, really because of my older sister, I guess
Speaker 2:<laugh>, right ? So an influence,
Speaker 1:Right? An influence. So I used to go to parties with her and different things and um, that's when I was exposed to it. So it's like you don't realize that you have an impact of those who are around you and people are watching. And if someone older than you that you respect, that you look up to is like, Hey, just try this and you try it. And then that's where it begins. So one thing is you need to surround yourself with people who are not going down. Um, I guess those negative paths. But when you're young, you don't realize, because like Matt said, the way that things are marketed and how it's sold to you is it's fun, it's exciting. This is just what you do. It's part of life. It's part of culture. Um, so flash forward or fast forward , not flash forward .
Speaker 2:No , I like that. You just gave us like
Speaker 1:A , I know flash forward .
Speaker 2:It's just like a vivid light. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:So for me, it really was just, I guess more social. I would go out, drink with my friends, but then there are many times where I drank way too much, made really bad decisions and definitely regretted a lot of things. Um, but by the grace of God, I am on the other side of that. And I never had a problem. That was the thing. Like I was the person that didn't have the problem. I had everything under control and I could have one drink and be fine. I didn't have to have 2, 3, 4, 5. Sometimes it turned into that, but it wasn't consistently like that. But it wasn't until I would say my late twenties, early thirties. And I was in the restaurant business, you know, my whole adolescence into my twenties, into my thirties. So I was around liquor, I was around, you know, the party scene for many, many years and that's just what you did. And so I bartended for a while. So I was definitely drinking when I was bartending, drinking after socially. And then I got into sales and I was selling wine and liquor. So it was a big part of my life. Like that was a huge part of my life. So I not only did it socially, but I'm now selling it. And as I, I guess started to just have different convictions and grow in my faith and really commit my life to the Lord, that's when I started feeling the heaviness and the burden to release those things and to say, you know what? This is not what I want. This is not how I wanna make my living anymore. 'cause now I'm bartending, I'm seeing people get drunk in front of me. And it used to never bother me because it was just what happens on a Friday, Saturday night. But then there was these nights where I would just literally, it was almost like slow motion in the movies where things are just slowed down and you're watching every little detail. And I feel like God did that for me to really expose what is happening in those moments that I was feeding these people this poison that makes people act crazy in different ways. It's literally a poison. That's why we <laugh> , that's why we get drunk. 'cause our bodies are trying to like process it. So you
Speaker 2:Vomit all over yourself
Speaker 1:Sometimes . Yeah. 'cause your body's rejecting it. It's not healthy, it's not good. Um, and listen, I'm not trying to condemn people who drink . This is just my own personal experience and my story. Yeah .
Speaker 2:This is our, our opinion, our perspective, our conviction.
Speaker 1:Yeah. But I feel like it , it's just, it needs to be talked about. It needs to be shared. Because you know what, being me not now , I guess now it's been over six years, almost seven years of not having a drink. Yeah . And I haven't looked back and I would've never thought that if you would've told me this 10 years ago, I'd be like, yeah, okay. I'm never gonna have a drink again. That's ridiculous. 'cause I didn't have a problem. Yep . But the Lord just stripped that away from me. And now being a wife and a mom, I never wanna be the mom that sees that my children see, grab a glass of wine. Right. Or make myself a cocktail and make it the norm in our household. I never want that for them because I don't want that life for them because I know where that life leads and it's never, it's never good.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think social drinking is the gateway to alcoholism and addiction , um, within a family lineage. I mean, my family on both sides, my mother and father's side, generational alcoholism. Yeah . Straight up. Like, you know, it was just the norm. And, and this is something that needs to be broken and it's broken by the blood of Jesus. It's the only thing that will break it. I don't believe that there's any other way to break it permanently for the next generation. And I've seen it in my own life. You know, there's a point where you look back and you say, wow, look what God has redeemed me from. But also what he has transformed me into. And now walking into bars, walking into liquor stores, being around people that drink still. I never have a salivating like feeling of like, oh man, I need that drink. Oh wow. That's the blood of Jesus. Yeah . That's the, that's the opportunity to say no, that has been broken and that has been paid for that sin, that addiction has been put at the cross. And this is for the church folks now, for our fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord that might be dabbling. You know, like if you're on that fence and you're like, man, like I , I think I'm drinking a little more than I should be. Right? There's, there's a big part of like this where it's, it's the gray area where we know we have friends that drink and we would never judge them or call them out and say, Hey, but if I saw one of my friends was getting drunk mm-hmm . <affirmative> , of course I'm gonna say, Hey, like, what are you doing man? Your body's a temple and and what are you doing? You're, you're now you're going down that road. You know, drunkenness is not something that we as believers are supposed to be, be walking in and everything else can be a deeper conversation Right. When it comes to having a drink. But why just have a drink? Yeah. Because it opens up a doorway to the next one. Right ? And then all of a sudden you get to that buzz, to that feeling of, ooh , I feel just a little edge off. I just feel a little bit numb. And now the enemy's got you where he wants you. Right. Your , your thoughts wander. Um, your words start to slip out the words that you probably shouldn't have said to someone around you and so on and so forth. So I was the extreme of all of that. So I can say this in humility that it's just not worth it. And when you do have a family, you realize, wow, I don't want my kids having that, that spirit of alcoholism on them. Yeah. That's already been broken. So I'm gonna be militant to, to pray for them and that when they do get older and they have free will that they just won't have that desire. And if they fall, I'll be there to help redirect them . So, you know, we can't control those situations, but we can be that person that they look at to see that, Hey, I'm having a lot of fun drinking my Shirley Temple. You know? And you know, of course there's, there's things that we discuss that are more deeper about that as you know , as a parent. But the actual social drinking atmosphere, it didn't just lead me to being a crazy party animal alcoholic. It led me into smoking weed, smoking, you know, weeded probably more than I ever thought I would. 'cause I thought that was for stoners and hippies and dirt bags and you know, there were always titles that you gave it . And then it was, I'll never do coke because that's for real losers. And then all of a sudden, what did that lead me to? Alcohol led me to cocaine abuse. So there's no one that I've met who has drank for an extended period of time that didn't do something that was more than what they signed up for. Whether it's, you know, the walk of shame hooking up with somebody right now we're getting real, doing bad stuff with other people. And if you know what I mean, for our younger listeners. Um, and then you have of course straight up addictions things that, oh, I'm gonna start gambling now 'cause I'm drunk and I end up at a casino. Or I'm gonna start doing, you know, things that I usually wouldn't do unless I was having a drink. But your body starts craving these things. Your brain starts saying you need another one. Your lips and your mouth and everything about your body is now saying give me more. And the enemy's having a field day with you. 'cause you are not operating with the power of the Holy Spirit. You're not operating with the authority in Jesus Christ. And this is what we're trying to hammer home to friends, family, and listeners that be open and alert like we are in times where we need to be on our A game as followers of Jesus. And when you start getting distracted with another drink, man, you're gonna miss the big opportunities to be used by God when you're called into his purpose and and fulfilling his calling. Right. And you're also gonna miss out on ministering to those around you if you're caught in that stupor or you're caught in that sluggish like, oh, I just want to have more wine or I just want to have a little bit more beer. So we also want this to be almost like a, a wake up call to shake people to be like, Hey, if you're wrestling with this, like talk to someone you trust and say, Hey, I need prayer. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , I don't know why I've been in this rutt. 'cause I know a lot of people can feel shame and condemnation when they fall into that rutt. They don't know who to talk to. No judgment here. We know many people that have gone down that road and they just start over again. You just repent and you move on. But it also is a physical connection to saying, I'm gonna get the stuff outta my house. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , if you're holding excessive amounts of liquor and alcohol and claiming it's just for cooking or you know, and everyone's got their own justification for this stuff. Everyone's an adult. But again, we're called not to be of the world. Right. We're called to be people that are literally, we're here but we're of the kingdom of God. We're, we're, we're from another bloodline. So when we're doing these things, people are watching us. How can I lead a nonprofit that's about cleaning your slate and then on the weekends have a corona? It would make no sense. People would be like, this guy's a hypocrite. Exactly. He said he is sober. Says he's a Christian, a man of God, he's got a wife and kids and he's sent at the bar drinking a corona. So it's also imagery. What we put out there is then going to be perceived and received by others of what it's defined to be a man and woman of God. So if we're doing things that emulate the world, then people are gonna think, well that guy didn't really change. He's the same Matt he was 15 years ago.
Speaker 1:Exactly. Yeah. And it's so funny, as Matt was sharing, I was thinking of different things and he's literally saying them as I'm thinking them <laugh> like this happens to us all the time where we just say message. Yep . We do it all the time. 'cause God put us together, which is amazing. But yeah. You know, a few points that Matt had touched upon was if we're gonna do something that's gonna make someone else stumble or someone else think that it's okay to do, because even though we don't have a problem, the younger person watching you and saying, oh well they're a Christian. They've been a Christian for X amount and they do ministry, they do that. They're only having a drink. I could do that. You know, what kind of example are we setting? And for me as a mom, as just a mentor to younger people in general, I never want to do something that could hurt someone's future in that way. And we're supposed to be clear vessels for the Holy Spirit to work through us. And when we're not of a sober mind , um, God can't work through us. We're not doing his will. When we're constantly feeding the flesh and drinking, to me, in my humble opinion, is feeding the flesh. There's no other reason to do it. If it's because it relaxes you. If it's because you are socially awkward, well then you have to find another way to deal with that. Because if we're constantly self-medicating in different ways, whether it's an anxiety pill or it's a drink or it's, you know, who knows something that's a drug essentially, it's not good. And the one thing that's really been bothering me now that I'm a mom, I'm seeing the mom culture being the wine mom culture. Oh yeah. It's like, and they're meeting up at play happy hour
Speaker 2:Afternoons.
Speaker 1:Yeah. They're meeting up, having these play dates, drinking their wine in their sippy cup. I'm sorry. To me that is like, that's disgusting to me. <laugh>, I'm sorry, I know this is harsh, but I just, I just don't understand it because you're supposed to be watching your kids, you're in a public place, but yet you're drinking your wine. That to me is insanity. And it just, I just don't fit in with a lot of the <laugh> , the mommy groups because they might look at me as a legalist or extreme or whatever, but you know what? I am sorry. That's just who I am. And God has changed me. He has transformed me. And I've had friends of mine saying, oh well do you look down on me now because I still drink. I'm like, no, listen, this is your own, that's your life. That's your conviction. I have a personal conviction for my life. How I wanna live with my, you know, I don't know how I wanna live my life. And that's the choice that I've made. And God has just taken away those desires. So I love going to bed feeling great and waking up feeling great. Um,
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think , um, well that's big. 'cause I think you're right on with, when it comes to the moms and the dads that are , um, drinking while on the clock. You know, like you , you have a responsibility for your kids and you're like trying to, you know, self-medicate usually. Right. What's, what's one of the reasons we we drink in certain seasons of life? It's 'cause we're trying to deal with something. Right . It's a coping mechanism. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . Um, so that's one thing. And we talk about our health and wellbeing. I mean , one of the best things that came out of Dr . Like not drinking and and giving up drinking for me was I dropped a ton of weight. I mean, let's face it, right ? Yeah. It's healthy. You start drinking a lot. All those guys out there and you know, I've been there, I got pictures. Your cheeks start puffing up, you know, the blood vessels start popping. You look like a whole different person. You got the nice rosy bud cheeks, you know, you look like you Oh yeah . Sitting at the old pub, having a couple too many pints there, you know , nice and puffy. I think at my heaviest I was two 20 . Wow . I looked like a whole different person. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , double X shirts, waist was 36 and change. It's, it's really not a healthy lifestyle. 'cause what happens when you start drinking too much once in a while you get drunk and where do you end up the Taco Bell drive through ? So there's also some things that we have to think about with our health. And again, I'm talking also to the church right now to the fellow friends of ours and brothers and sisters and the Lord out there all over the world that might be wrestling with this stuff. And no one's ever like brought it to your attention. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . And everyone's always like , well, Jesus drank wine.
Speaker 1:Jesus's first miracle was drinking water into wine . It's , you know , it's always , we always
Speaker 2:Go back to some of these moments in the Bible about, you know, where well they were drinking. It's , listen, we're talking about drunkenness is a , is a dangerous slope that you could fall into. We're talking about an addiction that is gonna , um, impair you. Right. I could be addicted to ice cream and yes, I could get diabetes and I could get overweight and possibly go into a sugar coma, but I can't crash my car after pounding three milkshakes and well ,
Speaker 1:Yeah. You know , that was the other point I was gonna bring up is safety. It's like you're drinking, but then you're gonna get in a car. And how many deaths of car accidents do you hear about every year? I think from the age group, 20. I think it's like 18 to 25. It's like the third leading cause of death is car accidents from being, you know , drunk from drunk drivers. So no one really talks about that. Yeah .
Speaker 2:Yeah. So there's, there's a few like takeaways that I think of with all this is like, again, not to , um, this is our passion 'cause we love people and we see people's purpose and we see their value and we see that they have so much to offer this world mm-hmm. <affirmative> . So when we see that there're just strangers out there that look miserable, that are, you know, smothering themselves in alcohol, it, it breaks our heart. We wanna see people delivered and free. Yeah . That power, the Holy Spirit and , and the blood of Jesus. So we share all this with passion. It's not to condemn anyone, it's not to make anyone feel like what they're doing is wrong. It's to say, Hey, like we love people and we
Speaker 1:Can't . Well 'cause we've been there, right ? Like we've been in those in those shoes before. Like where freedom. Yeah. So it's like I'm not talking from lack of experience. Like we both have been the partier we've done it. Yeah. Matt was a little bit more extreme than I was, but I still had some extreme nights and now it's like I don't even recognize that person because God has transformed me in so many ways. And it's just, it's, it's freedom. People think that, oh, it's restricting when you give this up and it's not gonna be fun. But you know what, go look at menus now when you go to restaurants, there's always a mocktail list. Mocktails. There's, i I order them all the time and they're delicious. And you don't miss the alcohol 'cause you still feel like it's like a fun drink. And if you're trying to hide it from people that you don't drink, I mean there's ways to do it. Um,
Speaker 2:And I've mentioned this , um, on other episodes too, it's, everyone's always worried about their social life going down the tubes. If they quit drinking, don't let the enemy put that lie in your head. Because I remember God restored, renewed, redeemed, redirected me and then provided a whole new circle of great friendships.
Speaker 1:That's exactly what I was just gonna say. I said <laugh> , I as you're saying it , yeah. I mean your circle's gonna change as you change and that's clear and that's good and that's okay. So just be prepared for what God has, for what God has for you as you seek him on these things and you give these burdens to him and you say, Lord, take away anything that is not serving you anything that's not going to leave me to be the clear vessel that you want me to be, to fulfill the calling that is and purpose that's on my life. And I think that's the bigger take home . It's not, oh, you have to start drinking today and you shouldn't even have one glass of wine. It's really, God, take away anything that is stopping me or that is an idol for me.
Speaker 2:That's good. Yeah. So, so Lord , we just pray for everyone that's listening, that you'll just highlight to them what's the thing that they have a conviction over or even an addiction to, that you wanna release. We know that for us, drinking was highlighted and drunkenness and, and you've delivered us from that. And you've even just renewed us and , and given us a heart for others that might be trying to let go of the same type of issue . So we just pray that you would just allow them to feel love from this episode and just even just receive your word, living word and just even open up to the scripture that they need to read, to be reminded of that there is still a hope and a future for them. That there is a , an opportunity for them to, to start fresh. So we thank you and we're excited for the praise reports that come from this conversation. In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 3:Amen. Love y'all .
Speaker 1:Hey guys, thanks so much for listening to the Puzzle is Real podcast. Please subscribe today and share with the friend . See you soon .