Singled Out

Are you single and trying to find your missing Puzzle Piece? Maybe your newlyweds and could use some wisdom for the journey ahead? Learn, laugh and listen to Matt & Melissa Pisani on this latest relationship episode.


www.mattandmelissapisani.com

@puzzleisreal
@missjean21
@mateopisani

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the puzzle is real podcast where we will be discussing faith, family, and relationships hosted by Matt and Melissa Sami. This is the puzzle is real podcast. When you know, you know,

Speaker 2 0:16

Here we are,

Speaker 1 0:17

Puzzle is real. We are here. We are with you. Get ready.

Speaker 2 0:23

Oh man. All my single ladies, all my single ladies, all my single ladies, all

Speaker 1 0:30

And men too.

Speaker 2 0:32

Emma, a single guys.

Speaker 1 0:34

Yeah. So this one's about relationships. Yeah. Cause we are talking in our podcast of about faith, family and relationships. So we that's right. We have to hit those three topics. That's what we're passionate about. That's what God has called us to just bless our community with, um, the things that we do know and the things that we've experienced and the things that we're still learning. You know, we haven't figured it all out for sure.

Speaker 2 0:58

Let's get to the meat.

Speaker 1 0:59

Let's get to the meat and potatoes right now.

Speaker 2 1:01

Melissa, Jean, what are some things women should consider when trying to find a godly man?

Speaker 1 1:08

Oh my gosh. Okay. One thing that I would say is that when somebody shows you who they are the first time, believe them. So if a guy says that he's a Christian, but he's not really acting the, that way or his life doesn't reflect that, or that could be in anything that he does. You need to believe that the first time not make excuses. And I believe that you need to ask the deeper questions to know like what this person's really about, because if the moral character and if he tries to get in your pants,

Speaker 2 1:42

Ooh,

Speaker 1 1:42

Gotta cut a I'm loose.

Speaker 2 1:44

He not,

Speaker 1 1:44

He's not in there for the long run.

Speaker 2 1:47

So what are some important traits a man should have when courting a woman?

Speaker 1 1:52

Um, I think he should be old school. I think, you know, opening the doors, paying for the date, especially if he's asked you, you know, I'm not with the whole new age feminism independent, I believe you could be independent. But I also believe that men, it should, men should take the lead. I really believe that. And that's biblical actually that the men are the priests of the household and we are that's right. Submit to our husbands. Um, and there's nothing wrong with that. I think that's the roles that God created because it just, it makes sense. And it puts us in our right. Our rightful place. So getting back to the question, what was it? What, what do you look for?

Speaker 2 2:34

Yeah. Traits,

Speaker 1 2:36

Traits. So somebody that is trustworthy, honest, genuine, caring. See how he is with his family. What kind of relationships are surrounding him? Um,

Speaker 2 2:47

You stand my family, right? Want that

Speaker 1 2:49

Ability and listen, your family doesn't ha need to have it all together. But if there just needs to be like good solid relationships

Speaker 2 2:57

With parents' room.

Speaker 1 2:59

Yeah. I mean, if the red flags are there, you gotta just run out the door guys. Even if he's good looking. Sorry. Gotta go.

Speaker 2 3:05

Yeah, we gotta be careful. All right, good. Um, and we're just messing around guys. Yeah. Uh, should a man and a woman be openly dating, AKA keeping in touch with other potential friends slash mates, you know? Oh, he's just a friend. He's, he's been my friend since college, but he doesn't like me or anything. I mean, oh, we talk every night. We're just friends.

Speaker 1 3:26

So one thing that I've always said is men and women cannot be friends. And I know many of you will disagree with me, but it is true. It

Speaker 2 3:34

Don't work men.

Speaker 1 3:35

It does not work. Some person, one party or other at one point is going to fall for that person. It has happened so many times. It just doesn't work because that is not the way that we were designed. We were not designed to just be friends right. With the opposite sex preach. So, um, yeah, that's what I would say. What was the question again?

Speaker 2 3:56

I keep forget. No, you answered. I just said should a man and woman be in like these open dating? Oh

Speaker 1 4:00

No. So you should. Okay.

Speaker 2 4:02

Like you, and then all of a sudden you guys start dating and then like, it's like, but you're still like kind of messing around emotionally with keeping in touch with other potential mates, you know?

Speaker 1 4:10

Yeah. So I think once you're exclusive with somebody and you really think that this person has potential to date, you commit. Yeah. And you get rid of the fat and you move on. Yes. Stop

Speaker 2 4:19

Messing.

Speaker 1 4:20

Delete them from your FA the friends from your Facebook, from your Instagram. Um, and delete them outta your phone. It's not worth it.

Speaker 2 4:27

Yeah. Don't, don't create a, don't

Speaker 1 4:28

Be tempted.

Speaker 2 4:29

A foothold for the enemy there. Yes. Um, can you be romantic Boohoo and still honor God with your actions while being single? How does that work?

Speaker 1 4:38

Yeah. I believe that you can be romantic cuz there's different things. I think you need to know what your boundaries are. So like don't be having sleepovers. Try not to be alone too much. Um, when you're courting because the temptation is going to be there. Oh

Speaker 2 4:55

Yeah.

Speaker 1 4:56

Um, you know, just learning from different experiences is you don't wanna put yourself in a such of that. You're tempted.

Speaker 2 5:02

What all friends listen to endless love in the dark.

Speaker 1 5:05

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 5:05

Shout out the happy Gilmore reference. Cause

Speaker 1 5:07

You know what? The weight is worth it. So you could be romantic, you can do things to show each other that you care and that you love each other. If you're there, if you love each other before you get married or if you're falling for each other, there's different ways you could be romantic with little notes or you think about them and um, yeah, that's your day and you pick up their favorite candy bar or whatever. There's little things to be thoughtful and romantic without being physical.

Speaker 2 5:35

Last one for me. Yeah. What if you mess up,

Speaker 1 5:38

If you mess up, you have to, you know, ask God for forgiveness and repent and try not to do it again because we all mess up. We're not perfect. There's things that Matt and I, you know, weren't perfect on in every situation before we got married, but we said, you know what? We wanna honor God, that was a mistake. Let's move forward. And let's, you know, start walking right with God

Speaker 2 6:03

Good stuff. Right.

Speaker 1 6:04

Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 6:05

Now I see that helps everybody.

Speaker 1 6:06

I have questions for you. So first question, if you were to give your single, single self advice with what you know now, what would you say as an encouragement?

Speaker 2 6:18

Mm, I would say stop trying so hard to look for that somebody and just keep your eyes on God and keep your eyes on the Lord. And I would also say that be, um, just mindful, you know, like be, be alert that like, Hey, like it's gonna happen in God's timing and that's not Christianese but just don't don't obsess over it.

Speaker 1 6:44

Good. What is a deal breaker when looking for your spouse in your

Speaker 2 6:49

Eyes? A deal breaker for me would be if they didn't have their foundation truly rooted in Jesus.

Speaker 1 6:57

That's a good one. Do you go on a second date? If you aren't attracted to the person physically?

Speaker 2 7:05

Ooh, trick question, man. I, this is a hard one. I would have to say cuz even at times of me being, um, what's the word? I don't know. Maybe I I'm, I'm like too picky about all that stuff that I would say don't force something that's not there. Yeah. Just don't do it, you know? And it's, it could be the personality attraction and the physical thing together where you're like, oh man, like this is a disaster. Um, or it's like, oh wow, she's smoking hot, but there's nothing up top if you know what I mean in the old, yeah. It's gotta be a balance. So I don't know, like, you know, Hey, everyone's got their, their thing, but you know, when I met Melissa, it was my endless

Speaker 1 7:51

Love

Speaker 2 7:52

Again. The end one. Oh, be Um, no, but seriously I think, um, yeah, don't force something. That's not there. If you're not physically attracted. I mean, this is something you wanna spend the rest of your life with, but also don't create something type of, I guess, unrealistic scenario where you're like

Speaker 1 8:06

Expectation. You

Speaker 2 8:06

Have to be perfect in every little feature and you know, aspect of their physical body.

Speaker 1 8:12

Good answer. All right. So do you open the door and pay for the bill on the first date

Speaker 2 8:18

Men, you should always be a gentleman open the door, cover your mouth when you burp, make sure that you pay the bill, but be strategic and do not bring them to the most fancy steakhouse on the first date. Mm. Because you do not wanna set a bar that is not realistic.

Speaker 1 8:35

That's true. All right. Question number five. How do you know if you found the one?

Speaker 2 8:42

Well, I believe that you'll know because it'll be all the desires of your heart propelling into a, a confirming, just revelation that God has shown you and you'll know it because it's all the things you've been praying for. And you'll know it because if you know how God speaks to you, right. And you've recognized that, and that's different for everyone. Sometimes it's through scripture or through a prophetic word or through your quiet time with him or through a time of, of worship and just seeking him, um, the power, the holy spirit can Rocky and hit you. Right. And you'll know. So it just depends on how you see it aligning with God's will and how he confirms it is how you're gonna know you're going when you know, you know, right. Yeah. That's the, the phrase that we said, but I knew it in multiple ways and God confirmed it throughout our short courtship and engagement and even in our marriage. So yeah, I think it just one of those things that it's almost like, um, an old one of those old, uh, film cameras that just show a bunch of pictures that go really fast and I'm forgetting the names of it's

Speaker 1 9:46

Like a flip book type thing.

Speaker 2 9:47

Yeah. Where it's like, It's almost like you see every imagery piece that led to you to that soulmate person. And then all of a sudden, like the Lord comes in for those of you that believers, God comes in and speaks into your heart and just makes it very clear. This is who I have for you. And, and I also, you can't sleep a night without wanting to talk to them and you, you know, obsess over every little picture that they send you and you text them 4,000 times a day. And also in other words, you're madly in love and you're going crazy. And you're like, I never really this before.

Speaker 1 10:15

And I think the Lord will, it just gives you a peace. Right. I think he just gives you this like contentment in a way where it's like, okay, this is your person, you know, it's like, you don't feel, I don't know, at least for me, that's what happened,

Speaker 2 10:29

But yeah. And I also, again, the, um, the instantaneous feeling of like, oh, wow, I feel like I've known you forever. Right? Like all these things are, are, um, are now not by mistake or coincidence. It's God's way I believe of, of designing us to say like, Hey, this is who I have for you. And now you're gonna be eventually become one when you create that marriage covenant. So yeah. I mean, I know that's a long winded answer, but I think people need to hear all of that. So they just know that it's not just by like, oh, well the, she fits the bill on everything I've been looking for. I guess this is it, you know?

Speaker 1 11:00

Yeah. It's different for everyone. But I think that what Matt said is, is good. And you'll know when, you know, you know, okay, last question. What is the best marriage advice you can give to newlyweds?

Speaker 2 11:14

Oh yeah. Newly

Speaker 1 11:15

Wes. Cause you know, we're so into the marriage thing. Oh man.

Speaker 2 11:18

That we like

Speaker 1 11:18

We've been around for what's almost seven years. What

Speaker 2 11:21

Yo, and then all of our, our senior saints and yeah. And folks that are in the double digits are laughing at us. Like, ah, you're still babies. We're still, but Hey. Yeah. For the newly married people, I would say, um, just continue to, to serve one another and pray for one. Or like pray if there's things where you're like, oh, well that's different. Or, oh, like, I can't believe he's doing it that way. Like, uh, like just continue to pray for God to continue to help make you, um, more like him. And also that remember you're, you're one flesh now. So certain things you do will start being the thing that your spouse does. I mean, we do a lot of the same things all the time. We, we talk the same. We, you know, you literally become the same person cuz you are, you know, you're now in this covenant, not a contract. So yeah. Just continue to like read the word together, you know, have times of, um, of, of prayer and just, and be open to the idea that, Hey, like we're, we're gonna continue to look more like Christ as we continue to pursue him. And then that's gonna make our marriage stronger. And in a missionary once told me marriage isn't to make you happy it's to make you holy. And I was like, wow, next a lot, bro. But I think that's important cause it's not just about us. Right? It's about how we're gonna minister to our in-laws and to the extended friends and family from both sides, you know, Melissa and I bring different personalities and people to our marriage that we love. And it's so cool to see how now their lives are flourishing as God is using us. He called us to, um, to be used for his purposes. Right. And not just to fulfill each other's selfish desires and needs. So it's, it's a deeper yeah. Purpose. So young married couples or people just got married late, like go in with just everything he has for you guys as husband and wife and not just fulfilling one another's needs, but how you're gonna fulfill his will for your lives.

Speaker 1 13:16

Yep.

Speaker 2 13:17

As husband and wife,

Speaker 1 13:18

Because your marriage should be a mission. Right. You should be like mission focused together. It's not just okay. We found each other. We're just gonna sit on the couch and watch Netflix for seven hours and eat popcorn. It's about, yeah.

Speaker 2 13:31

There's a, there's a specific call. There's a call on your marriage. Yeah. For others. Yep. And um, that's really cool. I didn't realize that. I think at the beginning, you know, but it's not only about going to all inclusive resorts all the time and just, you know, self-fulfilling needs it's it's like, Hey, how are we going to yeah. You know, continue to advance the kingdom of God for the time that we're here. So yeah. I hope that encourages you guys some cool Q and a for y'all.

Speaker 1 13:56

Yeah.

Speaker 2 13:57

Today,

Speaker 1 13:58

Today, tonight, whatever tomorrow

Speaker 2 14:00

When you get this,

Speaker 1 14:01

But yeah. Thank you guys for listening. Drop us a like subscribe

Speaker 2 14:07

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Speaker 2 14:41

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Speaker 1 14:48

Or day or afternoon

Speaker 2 14:50

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Speaker 1 14:54

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