The Puzzle Is Real

What Did YOU Expect?

• Matt & Melissa Pisani • Season 1 • Episode 38

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There are times when miscommunication can lead to a MISSED expectation. Join Matt and Melissa on this encouraging and insightful episode.  Learn how to remain content when expectations are not met in your daily life. 

www.mattandmelissapisani.com

@puzzleisreal

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Puzzle is Real podcast where we will be discussing faith, family, and relationships hosted by Matt and Melissa Pisani. This is the Puzzle is real podcast when you know, you know,

Speaker 2:

All right, it is time. It's time. We back, we back, we do it, we know it.

Speaker 3:

We're back in the game.

Speaker 2:

Hey, we just did a, uh, sound check and Melissa Burped,

Speaker 3:

Sorry<laugh>.

Speaker 2:

We should have saved it. But maybe in the future, don't

Speaker 3:

Tell people that. I don't act like a lady sometimes.<laugh>.

Speaker 2:

You just gotta be real. Sometimes we are not studio podcasters. This is the raw uncut.

Speaker 3:

Well, this is just real talk. This is just us having conversations and talking about real situations, real life. Because you know what, that's what people need to hear. They need to hear about the real stuff, not the Instagram filter. Fluffy stuff.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. You know what what I'm saying? Preach, preach.

Speaker 3:

Just saying some people's lives are great and glamorous up on social media, but when you're around them you're like, whoa, this is way different than what you portray. So we real,

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's like a, what I say, that's a little bit of a misinterpretation of reality, you know?

Speaker 3:

But what are we talking when I, oh, sorry.

Speaker 2:

Well, I was just gonna say, you know, when I put that filter on and make my complexion look real nice and shiny and then all of a sudden I realize that I don't have a nice complexion.

Speaker 3:

Yes you do.

Speaker 2:

<laugh> and I have to make sure that I put on my makeup. Wait, what am I talking about? That's another, that's another crazy topic, right? Anyway, back on.

Speaker 3:

Anyway, back on track.

Speaker 2:

So, hey, we've got some fun tonight and today and tomorrow, whenever you listen to this in the future, miss communication, we can be really poor at communicating and it can lead to a missed expectation. We're not trying to be cute with our wording, but we've just been realizing, like throughout our relationship of building towards our goal of being unified over and over and over again till eternity as husband and wife, there are times where I don't communicate properly. Example number one, go for it.

Speaker 3:

What's that?<laugh>. Sometimes what with working? Yeah. Oh yeah. So sometimes, you know, he'll tell me, oh, I'll be done by five 30. So in my mind I'm like, okay, he'll be done by seven<laugh> because I used to expect him to be done at a certain time that he tells me. And then obviously things come up, reality comes, you know, the ball just keeps rolling and you get sucked into workland and don't realize how much more time you are taking. So instead of me being the huffy puffy wife, like, ah, you told me that you were gonna gonna be done at five 30 and now you're here at seven. So now it's like, I don't expect him to be done at certain time. And I know he tries to give me the accurate time, but sometimes things happen. So now I do not expect it. And now I don't have a missed expectation because now I know just to add time<laugh> to when you tell me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. And I have to try to honor your time. And I know there's times, no pun intended, times time, time

Speaker 3:

That

Speaker 2:

It just doesn't happen. Things happen. But this is the good news. We continually clean our slate and start over. Message

Speaker 3:

Beep beep.

Speaker 2:

So here's another one. Is it my turn? Yeah. Oh, I thought we were getting crumble cookie tonight.<laugh>. Sometimes we'll talk about like our sweet treat cravings. And I'm like, oh man, that sounds good. And I'm thinking that Melissa's already ordering it and that the Uber eats guys dropping it off, you know, first world problems. And then I find out that the cookies were not ordered and now I'm hangry cuz I wanted those sweet treats. And

Speaker 3:

I'm like, oh, I didn't know you really wanted me to order them. And he's like, yeah, of course

Speaker 2:

I did. You didn't, you didn't make a dessert tonight. We don't have any, we don't have any cookie dough sitting on the sideline while you're managing three children. Yeah, exactly. How dare I. So yeah, I think that it's just really important that we get better at communicating as people with friends, with family, especially with strangers. It could go from just a sales exchange, right? You could be saying, Hey, I'm, I'm shopping for a vehicle. I'm looking for a car, and I have this expectation of, of what's gonna happen. And then all of a sudden that salesperson doesn't communicate properly and you, you sign a bad deal, right? And you're like, wait, this is one I signed up for. This isn't the deal I wanted. So it could be in that case, I also think about like, with relationships we've gone through like a lot of interesting, I feel like moments where we have friends or people that we're either hosting or they're hosting us and there's terrible communication. It's like, oh yeah. It's like, oh yeah. Like, we'll, we'll get together. Um, you come over, we'll make, we'll make a nice meal. Um, yeah, don't worry. Don't bring anything. And then we like show up at this person's house and nobody knows who these people are. We're just, this is hypothetical scenarios through the years, right? And like the meals aren't ready. Um, there's a bowl of pretzels. We're starving<laugh> and we know we're not eating until like eight o'clock at night. And it's just, that's how it's going down.

Speaker 3:

Well, and the thing is, that goes back to expectation, right? Because like Matt and I, we like to host, we like to have people over. We always, you know, fill up people's glasses of water, tell them where the drinks are, or give it to them and have plenty of food. You know, that's just our love language. We like to make people feel comfortable. Like there's just more than enough to go around. But sometimes when you go to other people's homes, you don't know what to expect, but you expect them to do it the way that you do it. It and then they don't. Right? So that's a missed expectation, right? So instead of us going to situations expecting people to do what we are gonna do, we can't go into that like that because it's just like reading someone's mind. We can't read minds. We, we don't know that person's life. Um, so you have to go there with an open mind, open heart, and realize that setting yourself up for expectation, for a certain expectation, you're always gonna be di disappointed.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. And just side note, little baby Mags was with us on these podcast episodes. So yes. If you hear Melissa patting the back of our child,

Speaker 3:

I'm sorry,<laugh>,

Speaker 2:

That's, that's not me rubbing my belly thinking about the food. Um, yeah. And I think that's really a good point for everyone. Something to think about. I think that we put a lot of pressure on other people to meet our expectations and when it doesn't work out, we blame them when really it's, it's not their fault. We all as human beings have like a certain level of like, all right, well this is where it needs to be, right? And if it goes below there, oh, what? Like they didn't have x, y, Z at the party when they were hosting and didn't have my favorites. Like, it, it's actually like a little crazy how we tend to criticize one another. And I'm speaking to myself, like if I go to somewhere and I'm like, oh man, well I would've done it differently. Well of course I would've done it differently cuz I know what I like. Right? Not everybody knows what Matt wants to eat and, and drink and, you know,

Speaker 3:

Doesn't know that you drink literally 20 glasses of water in like five minutes. Yes. Like sometimes there's no water where we are. Oh. Or very minimal. And Matt's like, I am so thirsty right now because people don't know that he's drinking so he drinks so much water. So when we go to a restaurant like as a joke, I'm like, you can just leave the pitcher cuz you're gonna have to keep coming back.

Speaker 2:

Cause this is a yes ladies a joke. It real thing, this is a real thing. I have been in restaurants and they have said, the waiter or waitress have said, wow, I've never seen someone consume as much water as you do, sir. And I said, just keep it coming. And it's not to show off I love water, it is my favorite beverage and I will drink it until I pee and I will drink it throughout the night. So when we go to a, a restaurant and they're not filling up the water as a former waiter and uh, someone in the food and beverage business, right? That could be very frustrating.

Speaker 3:

And another thing just to kind of, I don't know if this is, this kind of ties into it, but we are actually listening to a message from our church this past Sunday and going back to expectations and also just relationships, right? We're so me focused like me, me, me, what I want, what I need. How is this gonna make me feel better or make me feel loved? And so he brought up just actually the topic of love and Valentine's Day coming up or you know, around that right? Love fest. Time and love is actually not what the other person can do for you. It's supposed to be a sacrificial love, what we should be doing for that person. That's how God has intended it. That's how it is in the Bible. Like, we are supposed to selfish or selflessly give ourselves to the other person to meet their needs. But so many times we go into relationships saying, what this person's gonna give to me is gonna make me feel this. And when they don't give me that, you don't hit the expectation mark and you don't feel loved. But that's not how it works. It's just like this vicious cycle, right? Because it's like, if I'm not getting what this person, um, what I think this person can give me to make me feel better, you're constantly feeling defeated and feeling not filled up like your buck bucket's not full. So especially during this time, we wanna love others and not expect so much from them. And you don't realize that when you're loving on that person and you're meeting their needs, it's going to trickle into your life too, because they're gonna like, wow, you're doing this for me. And then it just, I don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And if you're listening to this post Valentine's Day and like you're in a relationship, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, ak married life, and it doesn't meet your expectation, give that person some grace and just know that, you know, it's not all about that. And a lot of times I think we add like a lot of extra pressure with these American made holidays and even, I mean mm-hmm.<affirmative>, you know, I know Valentine's Day is tied into, uh, a Christian holiday. A lot of people don't realize that there's a, a connection there to Christianity and a little bit of, uh, that's another episode as far as when you think of St. Patrick's Day and some of the holidays outside of obviously Resurrection Sunday, AK Easter. Right. And of course Christmas. But I think we can get caught up in the expectation of, oh, I didn't get the card. I used to get the, I didn't get the chocolates or I didn't get the, whatever that fill in the blank moment is. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, one of the things that I feel that's really blessed us is reminding each other that God always meets our expectation. Yeah. If we communicate clearly with him. Right. So that's really important. Like if you're clearly saying, you know what? I wanna get better at communicating with others, spend more time with God, spend more time seeking him, reading his word, sitting with him remaining silent, allowing him to speak into your heart and into your mind and soul. And it is going to do amazing things within your relationships. Cuz you're gonna be able to sometimes communicate clearly to people that maybe really need that. You know? And there's gonna be also the expectations of being affirmed and loved. They're gonna come from our father in heaven, God, right. And, and not from people. So you'll, you won't be let down right. When some of these things happen. It doesn't mean your flesh doesn't kick in like us, you know, going out to eat and maybe something doesn't go the way we we wanted to. Or, or us doing something with, uh, another family friend or or family member where, you know, oh, I thought they were shown up at one and you know, they, they come at four. You know, God is waiting to spend time with us throughout the day to communicate with us, to abide in him, and to also fill us up with just so much love and contentment joy, so that our expectations are constantly being met by him. Everything else is just a trickle down effect. It's just, it's extra. You know, it's like, oh wow. But I think when we like miss out on those moments, those are sometimes the days where we feel really slighted with how other people are letting us down. And you can sometimes even blame God for that, which is a big mistake because he is faithful and he is true and he is truth. So it's just really important that for some of us, that that, you know, connect in that way and, and those that are, are following God and, and believe that he is the source man. He will meet your expectation in a very every time. Every time. And it's, it's not about like the prosperity message of just pray with, pray to him and pray with others for what you need. And you know, it's not the gift to get situation. It's more of like, what if you just started to really like disconnect and, and seek God daily and allow him to speak into your heart and communicate to you and allow the Holy Spirit to enable you to be a great communicator to others.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. Because he gives you that contentment and that peace and that security that you can't find in a person, in a job, in a financial situation. You're never going to feel fulfilled. You're never gonna feel complete. You know, oh, well when I get married or when I do this, I'm gonna finally feel complete. And, and you're never going to feel that complete fulfillment because we can't find that anywhere. But in God, he is the only one who can fill us up. He is the only one that can just be that source. Um, and I don't, I think so many people forget that, even Christians, even myself, sometimes you forget, you're like, oh, well if I could just get to that next level, if I could just get this, you know, whatever that may be, that's not where we should be looking. And that's not where we should find our identity, our self worth because it's in our father.

Speaker 2:

I was just thinking too, of really a, a good applicable verse that can tie into this. Cause a lot of times people are like, well, how am I gonna remember some of this and how, what's one of the takeaways? And we used to have bible verses all over our house in New York, like fancy stickers. You know, those ones that

Speaker 3:

The vinyl decals.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Real, real cool. High end art, but hey, it's all about the living word of God, all of our house. And that was the main reason. And it still looked classy. I think it was nice.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Matthew 2237. Oh yeah. Right. And there's different interpretations of this, but we have this, and we used to read it all the time. Mm-hmm.<affirmative> to the kids, love the Lord of God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. So when we do that, man, it just like breaks down the walls of insecurity, it breaks down the walls of missed expectations. And it allows us to just keep surrendering back to God, saying, all right, I'm gonna just continue to love him with my heart, soul, and mind, and he's gonna do the rest. So this is one of many that you could think about when it comes to communication clearly with God, right? Which leads to meeting expectations of things that man, you can always expect God to show up in his presence, to consume you and just to saturate your, your whole being. And you'll be much more efficient at communication and you'll be less impacted and affected by missed expectations. It, it won't ruffle your feathers as much.

Speaker 3:

<laugh>. Yeah. So I think one of the big takeaways from tonight, or today or whenever<laugh> we always say is God is always gonna be the source. He's always gonna be the one that fills our bucket. It's not gonna be, man, it's not gonna be a situation, it's not gonna be anything that you may think it's going to be. It's going to be him. So it's our job as believers to sit with him, to spend time with him and to have that relationship with him, that intimate relationship because that is only gonna just fill us up even more so that we can pour out. And our expectations are always gonna be met through him. And that's just a daily reminder for myself. And I hope it is for you guys, that he is the source, he is the way, he's the truth, he's the life, he is everything. Um, so yeah,

Speaker 2:

We love you guys.<laugh>,

Speaker 3:

Sorry, I'm just enjoying these baby snuggles right now.

Speaker 2:

Stay tuned for more and uh, more, more topics. Hey, real quick. Nala the bulldog, check it out. Thank you for everyone that's supporting Nala, the Bulldog, the book. And uh, we've got some exciting stuff coming, going into this q2 coming soon for all you business folk out there. That's the second quarter coming soon. Clean slate living a lot of fun things that we're doing this year that we can't wait to share through the podcast as well to give you updates. And just thank you so much for everyone that's sharing this through Spotify, apple Podcasts, whatever way you stream it, share with a friend. And we look forward to putting out the most episodes that we've ever put out in one year, 2023, the year of Michael Jordan.

Speaker 3:

That's right. We will see you guys soon.

Speaker 1:

Hey guys, thanks so much for listening to the Puzzle podcast. Please subscribe today and share with a friend. See you.